COPING WITH EATING DISORDERS DURING THE HOLIDAYS
Food is often a big part of the holidays, but if you struggle with disordered eating or an eating disorder then it can be a time of stress, anxiety, fear, and frustration. In this blog, I want to share a few tips that can make the holidays easier for those who struggle with an eating disorder. This includes tips for the sufferer and for their loved ones to help support them.
Strategies for coping with the Holidays if you have disordered eating or an eating disorder:
Be mindful that the holidays can be triggering for you and reach out for extra support
Be open to scheduling an additional session with your therapist or joining a therapy group for support. The more support you get beforehand the more prepared you will be to handle situations that throw you out of your comfort zone.
Be open with your family about how you are feeling during the holidays
Let them know that you are feeling worried about it and inform them about things that make you feel uncomfortable or that can be triggering for you e.g. them being the "food police". Communicate what you need from them to help ensure that you feel comfortable e.g. having set meal times.
Work with your therapist to create a plan to get through the holidays
This may include mindfulness, utilizing your support system, journaling etc. Be proactive in your treatment to reduce potential risks.
Try visualizations techniques in the lead-up
Visualizations can help prepare us for situations by mentally taking us to the situation we are anxious about and allowing us to practice the coping strategies we have learned. It also helps with feelings of fear about the unknown, as we can imagine the situation and sit with the feelings that come with it.
Acknowledge your effort and the small wins
This is a very challenging time for those with eating disorders. It's ok if others don't understand, you know the journey you are on and the challenges it poses. NO Comparing yourself to others! You are doing your best and that is enough!!
Ways you can support loved ones cope with the Holidays if they have disordered eating or an eating disorder:
Educate yourself on their eating disorders
Spend some time researching their eating disorder so you have a general idea of what they are dealing with and what their triggers might be. It is also good to educate yourself on how their eating disorder impacts them, one way you can do that is by asking them but, if you don’t feel comfortable doing this, you could reach out to someone who knows more about it.
Avoid talking negatively about food in front of your loved one
Try to avoid talking negatively about food. Complaining about how much you’ve eaten or talking about dieting in front of them can be triggering. You also don’t need to ask them for permission to eat in front of them. Just be positive and enjoy yourself.
Don’t make comments about your loved one’s physical appearance or their eating habits
Avoid complimenting them on their appearance, telling them they’ve lost or gained weight or that they need to lose or gain weight. You should also avoid talking to them about how much or little they are eating. Flippant statements can have significant damage to someone if they are already feeling vulnerable. Instead try and compliment other things about them including recent achievement, their personality, and anything they’ve got going on in their lives.
Be mindful of their needs and routines
Whilst it’s important not to make a big deal about them and their eating disorder, it’s also important to make sure you don’t just pretend their eating disorder doesn’t exist. Encourage your loved one to talk about what they need from you in order for them to feel comfortable and avoid triggers. This could including discussing the menu in advance with them and checking in about their preferences. If you don’t feel like you can speak to them directly, try asking someone close enough to them to give you an idea about this.
Support them but don’t overwhelm them
Show you care and you are there for them, but practise empathy rather than sympathy. Empathy is thinking about what they actually want and need from you right now rather than just showing them pity. Support could mean giving them space, it could mean sticking to their routine, it could mean allowing them to enjoy their meal at their own pace.
Don’t get angry or frustrated
This also leads to making sure not to get angry or frustrated with them, it’s not their fault, they are battling with an illness and they are not purposely trying to be difficult. Learning more about their eating disorder and what they are going through can help you be more understanding.
Miyume McKinley LCSW is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. After graduating from XULA, Miyume founded her inclusive practice Epiphany Counseling. She is also the host of Epiphany Radio and founder of The Healing & Hope Foundation.